Welcome back, everyone! Before I start writing this update, let me just (once again) apologize for it's timing... I'm late again! What a surprise, eh? :P It's just been a really, really busy month for me. I mean, I've been to a total of 7 concerts since the last update, one was even better than the other, and on top of that, I've been working really hard to realize my internship in New Zealand this September, but we'll get back on that later: it's quite a long story <;] I've got quite a lot to tell you all in this update, so hold onto your hats... I think this is gonna be a pretty long update :P

 

Okay, let's start off with the music-part shall we?! :D 7 concerts in such a short period of time... What did I tell you: I am one lucky motherfuker! :P (Or should I say "modderfokker".. You happy now, Armand? :P) Let's see, February started off with 30 Seconds to Mars, then we had OK Go, Explosions in the Sky, Jet, Billy Talent, ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead annnd Incubus to finish it all off! Y'know, at times like these I just can't help but to feel so... Alive! I know it sounds so cliché (and so Pearl Jam), but it's true!! :D I've met so many people, felt so many different kinds of emotions, released so much adrenaline, slept so little and traveled so much... And it feels good!!
So which one did I enjoy the most? Not a very hard question, really. Every one of those concerts were AMAZING, but Explosions in the Sky stand out by far. The very second that they started playing they just blew me away. Not many performances that have been able to establish this feeling with me, but... every. single. song. just went straight through me. Y'know that feeling you sometimes get in your stomache when you really get absorbed in the music? It's sortof a tingling sensation, similar to when you're in love, but... I don't know; different. I actually had that feeling throughout my entire body during this show! It was such a unique experience, it was incredible how you could feel the music SPEAK to your very soul without saying a single word. The little media player on the main page of my space now features a song from EitS' latest album called "Welcome, Ghosts", be sure to check it out if you don't already know what they sound like.
And you know? the weird thing is, this was the only gig that I've been to that I really was alone; I didn't know anyone else in the room, and still THIS was the very best concert that I've seen this year. Despite the fact that I didn't talk to anyone that whole night. Normally I would've engaged in conversation with some people after the gig, but not this time. After they finished playing, I was just... As I said: Blown away! NOTHING could make that evening any better than it already was. Nothing. Amazing experience!!
As for the rest... Aaahhh, it was great. I broke off a tooth & split two other teeth in the moshpit at Thirty Seconds to Mars after falling on the back of someone's head which was... Not-so-great. Spoke to the band afterwards and they signed my ticket, and their singer (Jared Leto) even hugged me after I explained what happened :D AND they're coming back to Holland to play on Pinkpop. Just hope I don't break any more teeth there :P My teeth are all fixed up again now, by the way, so it was all worth it ;) (Just cost me one hell of a dentist-bill, but: Hey, that's what health insurance is for) AND I caught a signed drumstick at Jet's (AWESOME) performance, and spent the night in a youth-hostel in Amsterdam after Billy Talent, where I slept on a room with an Englishman & some girl from America and got woken up at bloody 4AM when someone was banging on our door because "They couldn't find someone"... The American girl answerred it: "SO WHAT!! Go to the fuckin'reception!! Don't go banging on people's doors at 4 in the morning, it's rude!". And I couldn't help but laugh XD
But hey, I should cut this story short, you probably get the point by now ;) Let's just move on, shall we?

 

Of course, in between all those concerts, "normal life" always just keeps going... You always have this "afterglow" after a concert, which can last from a few hours to even a few days. You keep telling friends about the concert at hand, which always seems to prolong the length of this lovely feeling. But despite all the joy that this brought, life can never remain as perfect as we'd want it to. Guess that's the glory of contrast, huh ;) On the darker side, my grandfather's situation seems to be deteriorating pretty bad lately... He's lost a lot of weight during these last few months, and he's had to go to the hospital twice to have some fluids removed from his lungs. 2 Liters of fluids, both times! They found some spots on his lungs that MIGHT even indicate lung-cancer, but they don't know if they're malicious or not. They'd have to perform lung sugery in order to find out if it is, but my grandparents have decided not to, because of his age (84). The worst part about all of it, is the lack of certainty :x You don't know whether you should preparing yourself for the worst or not..! Right now he just sleeps a lot, and seems to be incapable of most things. He takes a little walk for a few minutes each day, but that's pretty much it.
Now, to be quite honest with you, I just don't know how to handle this..! I've never lost someone close before, and as bad as it may sound, I don't feel anything =/ I don't have a single clue what it would be like if... If it would really get that far. I just can't imagine the idea of not having him around anymore, especially if you don't know if it's really even that bad. I don't know what to prepare myself for!
This whole thing also clashes with my plans for New Zealand. There's been a lot of progress in the organisation for NZ, as we speak I'm waiting for a response from several interested potential employers regarding my online portfolio, and even my mentor told me last week that a friend of his who'd lived in NZ for years might be willing to help me out. GREAT news of course, but my grandfather doesn't want me to go anymore before I get my diploma. However, I'm convinced on going through with it. They agreed with the idea at first, and now that it's almost settled they change their mind..! Especially their approach in this matter is something that REALLY bothers me, they won't let me discuss it what-so-ever, and that REALLY doesn't work with me. I always think: "Advise me, but don't tell me what to do". Why should I wait another 1,5 years to stay there for a SHORTER period of time, for MORE money? Right now, the organisation is almost complete, my scholarship will help finance it, and I'd have a solid base in the country where I can operate from. I'd have a pre-settled job & accomodation, and it would look great on my diploma and CV... It's the perfect opportunity! I even postponed my graduation for a year in order to realize this!! I've made up my mind: I don't need their approval. This dream means too much to me to just give up like that. I've been living up to it for almost a year now, and put so much time, effort and money into it, that I refuse to it give up just because they feel I need to have my diploma before I go there. Hell, this will even IMPROVE my diploma! Their other reason is because they're afraid that something might happen to me, but that risk is just as high right now than it would be in ten years. In fact, I'd be safer if I go now, because of that whole pre-settled homebase! I hate the fact that they keep distrusting my capabilities like that.. That's another reason that I want to go through with this so bad: to prove myself...
But the whole issue now is... What if he really does have cancer...?! I can't bear the thought of having to cancel the whole thing, but.. What if he won't be there anymore when I get back? 

I just don't know what to do anymore.. I just don't know... ó_ò