Good morning to who ever felt like reading this,

 

This is the first time I've ever started writing an update so early in the morning, and it's not even weekend.. It's about 9am right now and I should be heading to school in about 3 hours, but I've already decided that I won't be going today. It's just one of those mornings...

 

I'm not down or depressed or anything, don't get me wrong. It's just one of those 'contemplative mornings' where you wake up as a stranger to your own life and start thinking about your current situation and where it is the hell you think you're going. Y'ever have those mornings?
 I've been back home for over a month already and I still haven't even written anything about my last month down in New Zealand. Still, I just felt like writing down some thoughts. Be it here on my space, or in an email to a few friends. And I'll just take a full day to do so, while popping all the bubbles in the isolation plastic of my ordered CD's that arrived yesterday.
 Don't worry though, I'll definitely be writing down my adventures ;) I won't give you a date for this anymore though, I've already broken the last 4 deadlines I gave myself... I should know myself better than that. You guys probably do by now.

 

So what's up?
 Well - being back home has been... It's been pretty weird, really. Of course there's the last remaining bit of winter that I had to get used to, coming from summer's peak in New Zealand, but that's the least of my worries. I was expecting to get this big nostalgic feeling when I'd see all these places again, like our orange-benched trains, Amersfoort Central Station, Wolvega... But it didn't happen at all! Arriving in my old room here, that's when I finally felt it. Playing my music on my good old surround sound system really struck something. Finally I could say... "I've missed this place" :)
 However, it's the people that really make home feel like home. It's been fantastic being back in my old "social circles". I must admit, being back home had been a slight disappointment, up until my homecoming party and that Saturday night, the day after that. A perfect reminder of what my "old life" was like. Of what home was like. And it felt good :) The only difference was that it now felt like a starting point. A starting point to build from.

 

Since I've been back home, I've felt this strong urge to... To DO something more with where I'm going. I'm not longer satisfied with "just being". I suppose we all want this, and I guess I always have, but. What I'm saying is... My ideals are clear to me now. I know where I want to go and the only question now, is how to get there.
 I guess I'm just getting impatient, but lately I can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm not doing enough with my life.

 

This morning, I woke up on Pearl Jam's "Given To Fly". This seems to've become one of my favorite traveling songs, it's one of those songs that I'd always like to play while staring out the driving bus' window. I couldn't tell you what this feels like... On the move, off to wherever, with the memories of an amazing Pearl Jam concert with some of your best friends around you. Never have I felt more "on-track" than I have back then, in both senses of the word.
 ...God, I miss New Zealand.

 

I want to dedicate my life to living. I want to live my life alive. I've seen a mere fraction of what life has to offer, and it's something worth striving for. To say the least.
 In my relatively young life, I've found only three things that can deliver this "sense of living". Live music, travel and - forgive me for sounding so cliché - love... Since this last one never seems to've worked out for me, I've decided to stick with the two that actually make sense. The ones that you can control.

 

Right now, the only thing that's standing in my way is... Well, in order to properly focus on those two, you'd need - why does everything always come down to this - money! And for that, one would need a job. And for that, one would need an education. And that's where I am right now. And for that education, I'd need patience. Just a little more, we're almost there. In the mean time, I'll have my concerts and festivals to get me through ;)

 

After that, it's time for the next step: getting a job..! Getting a job. I'd already made up my mind about this at first, but I'm getting some doubts: maybe it would be a better idea to continue my education first? Once I've acquired my diploma for this education that I'm working on right now, I could take it one level higher to what we call HBO, which WOULD make quite a difference in my future paycheck, giving you more opportunities. But... I don't know, a THIRD diploma? 3 more years..? I'd be 25 :x 
 And then we still have option number three, which is really a combination of the two: get a job and save some money to continue my education abroad! I have yet to look into that, it seems perfect.

 

It's a really tough decision to make, because after all, it'll affect the rest of my whole life..! This morning, I sorta felt stuck here, I don't know... I should know better, I know. It's easy to lose your sense of control on your situation, but I suppose it's a part of growing up to learn to take some bloody initiative and taking these things in your own hands. You'll never get full control, but you can do the best you can to try and "steer" things your way, disregarding the bumps and holes in the ground.

 

As I said before: I guess I'm getting impatient. I suppose I shouldn't be too eager to hit the gas. But hey, can you blame me? ;) I've had the most amazing year, having seen the best of all 3 of those aspects of my life I mentioned earlier: the concerts and festivals, combined with my trip to NZ, and... Well, most of you would've read about my summer before I left.
 I guess I shouldn't complain. We always want more. And knowing that I've merely seen a fraction of how it could be - Yeah, maybe I should be impatient ;)

 

You know what, I think I WILL go to school! I have a diploma to obtain. I'll eat my breakfast with that fork in the road.

 

Take care everyone!

 

Currently playing: Eddie Vedder - Hard Sun (Into The Wild Soundtrack)